Wednesday, March 09, 2011

Life, Going On.

Grief is a strange thing, isn't it? I left the school assembly in tears this Monday because Mavis' son won the Caught Being Good Award and I so badly wanted to tell her. And last Saturday I found myself googling my step-father because I felt sad I'd never hear him barking my mother's name if I rang up their house. And my grief is I think small grief, nothing compared to how it must feel to lose your husband or a member of your immediate family. I almost feel guilty to be so affected. But there I am, getting along with everyday life, and suddenly I'm struck by someone's absence and the irrevocability of that absence, and the sadness kicks in.

Meanwhile, in our everyday life ...

Climber has started soccer. playing in a proper team this year - he has to train TWICE a week plus a Sunday game, which is going to test our one-car-family and me working-the-same-nights-he-trains status. Coping so far. Working out lift-sharing with Mavis' children's father actually.

Basil has been catching mice which would be good except he keeps bringing them in the house for the death-by-play routine, meaning Fixit or I have to scoop up the rodent in a plastic container. This makes Basil bewildered and cranky and Climber anxious; if Climber is bearing witness the mouse has to be released to the wild, however much it goes against the grain.

My brother has been going through some bad stuff, to do with his kids and his ex. But today, with the support of the courts and the police and my sister, he got the kids back and this is really good news.

My Monday night Gentle Beginners class has been, rather fittingly, christened Nanna Tap by my lovely friend Jenny. She is one of several non-Nannas in the class, but allegedly enjoying the [much] gentler pace. If only I wasn't worried about the potential for offence (particularly to the 2 bona-fide Nannas in the class) I would love to re-brand. I think it has a certain je ne sais quoi.


I think this photo of Jenny's youngest (aka the Mooch) should be my new poster for the Kids Tap Classes. I was taking shots of kids doing different moves (stamps, digs, knocks) for wall displays but this photo of her twirling is so lovely. The Mooch is the owner of the shoes in my previous tap fliers, so that would make her the official Miss Caroline Poster Girl. I also like this picture of Climber jumping out of the frame.


I'm off to Crarf Camp on the weekend. Yay! For a change, I'm actually doing some project preparation. I've cut out 3 dresses/tops for me and 5 pairs of boys pants. I'm planning to sew my butt off.


  1. Goodness, sweetheart. It sounds like you deserve an opportunity to sew your butt off - and have a nice hot soak in that bath. x

    PS. Totally get what you mean about the grief thing. But it all comes out of compassion and just being a darned good person-like.

  2. I need to borrow Basil. I have a pesky little mouse in my house.

  3. Love, love that picture of Climber. Very Billy Elliott-esque don't you think?
    Mousing is such a double edged sword. More than once I've had to clean mouse guts off the glass door. I couldn't figure out how it got to be three feet off the ground until I saw Harvey flinging the poor half dead thing around.

  4. Oh, indeed grief is a different country, where things are not linear... and you were/are part of the web of those lives, so of course you are affected.

    Good on you for being so advanced with your packing. I just keep fondling the fabric, which I guess is a start.

    See you soon! xJ

  5. I've packed the chutney and Jan's chinese chopper which I accidentally stole from Sewjourn last time.

    I have no idea what craft projects to pack however.

  6. Oh, dude. I still have moments when I find myself reaching for the phone and my friend died 17 years ago! Grief is a funny thing.

    I love love LOVE that twirly-skirt photo. Just gorgeous.

  7. Basil could start his own exterminator business! Poor kitteh. He just wants to play.

    Love that you know how to MAKE A DRESS! You cannot know how in awe of that I truly am.

  8. Nanna tap sounds perfect for me.

    See you soon. I'm bringing my newly-purchased crochet hook. No really. I am. I'm not joking.

    Stop laughing.

    I'm serious.

    E x

  9. I don't think grief cares whether you are 'allowed' to be sad or not. If it helps to keep bigger griefs in mind for perspective, that's great. But I second your motion - it's such a funny beast, and there's no denying it when it leaps out at you. So sharp and unexpected. I now understand why my mother (who lost a brother when she was about my age) would get teary at a drop of a hat; at funerals, at death in movies, anything. Once you've seen that absence and the realness of it, it's got you.

    I love those photos. I don't think I commented on flickr but I adored every one of them. Brilliant action shots.


  10. Grief sucks.

    Death is so permanent. Its a hard thing to experience. I just know that there are lots of holes in my life, shaped like those who are no longer with me. Friends, close family, doesn't matter.

    Remembering them, even through the wonder of Google, is a way of acknowledging that gap.

  11. My mum died at the same age your friend died, and it was really hard for her friends. Still is for some of them.

    Go slowly, stomper and don't worry if your grief is more or less than anyone else's or if someone else is more entitled to grieve. It's different for a husband sure, but good friends are precious and rare. She deserves your grief and so do you. Grief, she be a frogwhollopping thing.

  12. Wow, there is nothing I can add about the grief thing, those wonderful people up there seem to have it well covered.

    Have a nice time at Crarf Camp, a well deserved break and time with good friends and you walk away with a new dress as well! Doesn't get any better than that.

  13. Craft camp sounds like a very good idea. Time to talk with lovely ladies who will listen, comfort and understand.

  14. Just you be careful what you do with that butt.

    Have fun.

  15. I have that fabric! Hope it made an orsum dress.

  16. Grief? I totally get it.

    I'd love to see Nanna Tap become a household brand name. I'm sure your bona fides wouldn't be offended. Would they?

  17. You know, I agree with Fairlie. I would register the name just for the hell of it.

    Then I would advertise it and see what kind of response you get. If it isn't taken as it's meant, then you can change your mind.

    If it were me, I would join. I'd love the chance to do it but feel like I'm too old now. Now, I am not a nana, nor am I "alllll" that old (but feel it) but people use the term "nana nap" quite freely in relation to themselves.

    Go for it! rah! rah! rah!


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