Monday, May 04, 2009

Back to Work.

school photos 09_8191

Fixit went back to work today. He's had one month off on annual leave after that first week of stress leave, and I think he has gradually relaxed into someone more like the Fixit we know and love. He's had two sessions with a counsellor which focussed on him realising the difference between the external (ie the work and TAFE situation) and the internal (the way he felt and thought about the work and TAFE situation). They talked about him not feeling that he had to be on top of it all and giving himself permission to be just the apprentice, to be the one who just learns stuff instead of the one who knows stuff. And of trying to think kindly about himself and to himself; less of the I shoulds.., I suppose. I should earn more, I should own a house, should, should, should.

Last night as he moved around the house readying himself for the 6.30am start I could almost see the mantle of stress, like a physical weight, settle on his shoulders. I could hear a familiar ugly note in his voice again, something I've not heard in 5 weeks. He was not shouting but the timbre of his voice changed, as if the stress had grabbed him round the vocal cords leaving him with a more guttural tone. It made me feel weary and defeated for a moment there.

I texted this morning and his 6.30am start was a waste of a good sleep-in. He was not actually rostered on to any crew, so in the end they told him to join the crew starting at 10am. Which couldn't start earlier because it was waiting for the plane to arrive. Fixit told me he was doing the crossword while he waited.

He was supposed to attend a "roster meeting" at 9.30am today in response to the letter we sent 2 months ago requesting regular day shifts. They'd rung 2 weeks ago to inform him of the meeting and were mildly flummoxed to learn he was on annual leave and couldn't attend the meeting time they'd scheduled. A case of the left hand not knowing what the right hand is doing, we think. They re-scheduled for the first day of his return, but somehow even that level of organisation was too much for them and he must now wait till Wednesday morning. Late last week the roster girl rang and said he'd only be doing day-shift for the duration of his second year of the apprenticeship. I took the call because Fixit was at a counselling session and neglected to ask the all-important question about whether day-shift meant weekends. So we are still up in the air. *edited to add that he and the other apprentices have been promised Monday - Friday day shifts, hurrah And the other apprentices thanked him today for that.

As we drove to a picnic on Sunday morning Fixit was already sinking into gloom and made a comment (that I don't recall now) which showed that he can't think AT ALL positively about his working life. So I gently said something along the lines that his natural tendency was to see the worst of any situation and that he needed to remind himself of the good things in his life. That we have a roof over our heads, food in our mouths, two terrific, healthy and happy little boys, each other. I can't help it, I am Pollyanna. After I'd run through a little list of good things about our life, my lovely Climber chirped up from the back-seat: And you have lovely friends too, Daddy. He even went on to name them. And Cherub, not to be outdone, said and you have a nice motorbike.

21 comments:

  1. and some crazy chicks on the the internet think he's gorgeous - so the world is not all doom and gloom.

    Hope the wednesday interview is helpful.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Yikes. I'm sorry.

    I do believe the situation will get better. Unfortunately, sometimes the fast way to get through problems is to plow straight through them, which is a lot less pleasant than going around them.

    ReplyDelete
  3. My love to all, and I believe Fixit will overcome these difficulties. He is such a fine person. As are you.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Yuck. It's rotten when you hate going to work. Because work is so necessary and all....

    Hope he gets a handle on it all. You too, Pollyanna.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Those beautiful boys of yours... ...I love how they piped in their support from the back seat.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Tell Fixit it could be worse; he could be a politician, hated equally by all.. well, maybe that won't help. But he is very cute in a manly way, and he does have a family that love him, and this won't last forever.. are all men bent on the negative like that? Mr M is the same. Sometimes saying nothing and letting the mood pass is harder than any comfort I can dish out..

    ReplyDelete
  7. Is it shallow to only contribute a comment that says 'woot' to Jodie's comment? A whole of anonymous women on the internet thinks he's cute (some would pay a lot of a money for that...).

    Yes, shallow, I think.What a great bunch his family is too! I love the boys chiming in with their supportive comments. Stick together!

    Carolyn

    ReplyDelete
  8. I hope the day shifts help... some of the stress sounds like the really crappy rostering system. Turning up then doing nothing for 3.5hrs? And I bet they're not paid for that. Suck.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Oh, God. How much longer does his all go on for?

    ReplyDelete
  10. Did you tell him he still has his looks?!

    And gosh your little boys are wonderful aren't they? I loved 'and you have a nice motorbike'.

    Indeed.

    Strength and grace to you all, esp Fixit.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Well you know that Jod and I do think he is gorgeous.

    However that is not to take away from how crappy this all is and how wearing it is for you (being Pollyanna can be exhausting) so my hope is that this too shall pass - as fast as possible.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Ugh. Poor Fixit. Poor you.

    I can be very optimistic and at times very not. I struggle with things I have NO control over... even though I "get it" on an intellectual level that my worrying and fretting doesn't change anything... I still worry and fret. Yet I frequently stop and count the good things in my life.

    Kids always, always find the silver linings. Love those pictures! Climber's slightly self-conscious smile and the Cherub's big grin!

    ReplyDelete
  13. Poor Fixit. But it's not for ever. Keep strong... Hope it's all a bad dream before too long.

    ReplyDelete
  14. That's so sad. Life is too short to have to fill your day with that much stress. I love your Pollyanna attitude :-)

    Cherub's grin is priceless, your boys are so gorgeous (do I keep saying that?)

    ReplyDelete
  15. The stress of work is no fun. I hope he learns some balance. Won't have much choice with all the support from home. Five weeks off though...that's an adjustment, going back. Best to you all.

    ReplyDelete
  16. I don't know what to say...I feel for you all, I really do. That weight on the shoulders. Oh, it made me cry (and I'm in a cafe, so you know, bit hiding my face over here). Wish I had good advice, but I'm not sure that I do - but I do know people who have come out the other side of such things.
    Take care.
    xx

    ReplyDelete
  17. I so feel for you. I'm wishin' and hopin' and prayin' that things start getting better for you all. Actually I wouldn't dream of prayin', but the other stuff I'm doin'. D's had unhappy times at work, stuck in a rut, but I think this apprentice system seems to have some super shortcomings where it is meant to apply to human beings.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Stomper, I understand about the differing personalities you and Fixit have. I think I've mentioned before that I am forever a 'glass half full' person and my husband is eternally a 'glass half empty' kinda guy. He sighs a lot, bemoans all kinds of problems, and takes that 'tone' you mentioned hearing in Fixits voice. (I've sometimes wondered about depression, but when I've asked all the relevant questions, he doesn't fit the diagnostic criteria - he's just low-grade unhappy quite often!)

    I have noticed that getting out with the family helps, as does exercise. And every now and then I quietly explain that it is driving me nuts that he is focusing on the bad and not the good (rather like your conversation in the car), and he seems to snap out of it for awhile.

    Good luck with everything. I'm sure your positivity will shine through, and that with the help he's getting, Fixit will get back into the swing of work, too.

    Oh, and your boys are wonderful, aren't they? :-)

    ReplyDelete
  19. Yeah, what Suse said. I liked the motorbike comment.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Gorgeous Fixit...
    hope work probs end soon
    how lucky he is to have you and those wonderful boys..what smiles they have and caring natures to help their dad feel better..they have your positive outlook too.

    ReplyDelete
  21. gah :(

    Poor Fixit.. and I *hate hate hate* left hand/right hand companies - can't, can't, can't understand it how they didn't know about his leave, and yada yada yada - um, WHAT?

    xx

    ReplyDelete

Don't let the cat get your tongue.