Friday, July 23, 2010

Fixits vs Creeps

Fixit and I confronted the threatener-Dad in the playground on Wednesday, and this is how I would score it:

Delaying the confrontation by a week so that Fixit was with me? WIN. Excellent decision. He stood there strong and true and wouldn't take crap from the man, which allowed me to say most of the things that needed to be said.

Getting through to the creep? FAIL. He blustered and lied and denied and took no responsibility. Interestingly I think the incident has been weighing on his conscience because he knew exactly what we were talking about, despite it having happened 9 months ago. He did initially flirt with trying to pretend he didn't, but then quickly changed tack and swung between playing it down (it wasn't threatening, apparently) or asserting his right to protect his own child, and once he even tried to shift blame for the incident onto Climber. What a nice guy he is, to be sure. He also tried to tell us he didn't know who Climber's parents were to speak to at the time, which is an awful lie, and one that we called him on, with maximum derision. He and I have spoken many times, and his dreadful wife absolutely knows who I am.

Demonstrating to our kids that we have got their backs? WIN. And that was one of the reasons for going through with it. I explained to Climber later what had happened and said quite openly that a mature adult would have felt sorry for so frightening a child, but that this creep is both dumb and mean, so no luck there. But I said to Climber main thing is, we are looking out for you and the creep knows that now.

Demonstrating to that family not to mess with us? WIN. Pretty sure anyway. You can't always tell with nutters.

Saying all the well-thought out things that I wanted to say? SCRAPED A PASS. The guy's bluster and denials and lies were off-putting, and meant that he got to be in charge of some of the conversation. But having Mister Fixit standing next to me saying bullshit! at regular intervals meant that we were able to press on. The one thing I really wish I'd got to say was how would you feel if someone had done that to your child? because that was going to be my killer line but oh well, I'll just save it up for if the wife decides to have a go.

Have we made things better or worse by saying something? ie will it now escalate unpleasantly? REMAINS TO BE SEEN. Let's not forget that they are unstable, selfish and mean-minded.

Use of confrontation as a means to calm me down? WIN. I've had this gnawing feeling in my guts ever since Climber told me about it. As soon as we'd had our chat with the creep, my stomach settled. Brain's still thinking about it but less and less every day.

How did it end? Well, it ended with us walking away from him in disgust and I have to say, I was, in my Pollyanna-ish way, very disappointed with him as a person, even though I did kind of know what sort of weasel he probably was. But still! Why can't people be better, hmm? My parting words to the creep, issued in scornful tones as we both stalked away, were I've reported you to the school. Keep away from my children. And I think Fixit may have called him a scumbag. I guess if Mr Creepy wasn't going to rise above, then we had to sink to his level a bit to get the point across. I'm happy with our exit lines actually. I think we told him. On balance it feels like a win.

22 comments:

  1. I think you're amazing. And a brilliant, brilliant mama.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Yay!! I'm shaking on the inside for you, but glad you got it out! It will subside inside you now...how much like me ARE YOU?? :)

    Don't beat yourself up about the things you didn't say, look at all the positives, especially Climber knowing that you stood by him...from a person who's father ALWAYS believed the other person, you may not have any idea how much that will boister him.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Oh I'm so glad that you confronted him. That weasel will never mess with your family again!

    ReplyDelete
  4. HOORAY!!!!!!!!!!! Am so thrilled that you got in creepy guy's face about the whole thing.

    Things I would take away from it were I you
    a) creepy dad knows he can't do that without fallout.
    b) you got to have your say and go all Mama Lion on him.
    c) Climber sees how to deal with aggressive people.
    d) Climber really gets that you have his back and will go out swinging and firing big guns for him.
    e)creepy dad will now be wondering what you meant by 'reported him to the school'. May it bring him sleepless nights.
    f) Fixit got to be all 'solid dad' which I think is something they all secretly aspire to, like having to boil water when a baby is about to arrive ;-)
    and finally
    g) you get resolution and peace.

    ReplyDelete
  5. oh well done :) that is just brilliant and apart from being good for your family helps stiffen the backbone of your readers for them to confront bullies if they have to. it's one of the hardest things to do.

    that is just brilliant :)

    ReplyDelete
  6. If it calmed your churning stomach down? WIN

    Those exit lines of yours - MAJOR WIN

    You and Fixit steadfastly standing by your kids - just bloody fantastic.

    What a fuckity bugger he sounds.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Great!

    If nothing else it must have been hugely cathartic, and I find it really interesting that no matter how creepy the guy is it did seem like it was weighing on his mind. Maybe despite all the bluster you will have got something through to him.

    I love the idea of you laying down the law and Fixit standing firm and interjecting Bullshit! at regular intervals!

    The exit sounds wonderful

    ReplyDelete
  8. Climber sleeps soundly knowing that you hold his emotional safety above all else. It's nothing but a win.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Score for being the most wonderful Mum and Dad? MAJOR WIN!!

    Well done you!!! Especially on the exit lines!

    ReplyDelete
  10. Yay for you. I think you're awesome for standing up to him and knowing that you are going to stand up like that would have helped climber no end. I'll bet he'll tell you straight away if anything like that happens in the future.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Well done you. Both of you.

    I was shaking inside for you too, just reading that; I can only imagine how you must have felt at the time. Well done for going through with it. You are awesome!

    ReplyDelete
  12. Well done for standing up to them and raising it. I reckon that this alone will speak volumes to your son and validate everything you have been telling him. brillaint parents both of you!

    ReplyDelete
  13. Nothing short of brilliant all round! Go Stomper Girl and Fixit!

    ReplyDelete
  14. Well done on your part and Fixits! I think you managed much better than most of us would have. I did the math, and all-in-all, a definite win.

    ReplyDelete
  15. I'm glad you've gotten some closure on this situation.

    This guy ... yeah. Sounds like a dining room table would be more receptive to discussion than him.

    ReplyDelete
  16. As usual, by the time I get here, all the clever, funny, wise things have been said. I second them all, good for you!

    ReplyDelete
  17. Brilliant, Stomper, just really trooooly brilliant. I HATE confrontation but done well it really does help to calm you down and allows you to go on with your life.

    The creep won't get it because he's a creep. But your kids have seen you role-model sticking up for yourself and you have some closure on this, I hope. :)

    ReplyDelete
  18. That there? A line (of sorts) in the sand. One that you can define a bit more once the Brain decides it's ready to move on.

    PS. If I ever happen to find myself in a bullied situation, say, at a Stitches & Craft Show (say, if people bully me to buy their yarn and stuff), I'd feel much more comfy if were around to have my back (but not necessarily not let the yarn purchase happen).

    PPS. Get any of that PS? Sheesh.

    ReplyDelete

Don't let the cat get your tongue.