But anyway, in my dream, I was being held close by Fred and it was all a bit flirty. And then I noticed his luscious abdominal muscles and I experienced what can only be described as an inappropriate response. Then the dream went tangential and I don't really know what happened next but that was the part I remembered when I woke up, feeling all cosy and what-an-awesome-dream. Until my reality metre kicked in and I came to earth with a jolt of terrible realisation:That I can no longer have the sort of daydreams where my wit and beauty so bedazzle the handsome charming famous guy that I am swept off to live a life of luxury (seeya kids! seeya Fixit!) with a man the rest of you fantasise about.
Because my reality-metre lets a lot of things slide, like for instance just how witty and beautiful I actually am, but it will not let me imagine that a lovely boy of 22 would experience inappropriate responses about me. Or my abs. And when you think of the Harrison Fords of the world running off with the much younger and thinner Calista Flockharts, you - okay, I - realise that my chances of captivating a handsome charming famous guy are not good, and declining exponentially.
And when I thought some more about this, I realised a whole lot of my daydreams, to do with artistic achievements or lifestyle, are now laughable and not even remotely achievable. Whereas in my 20s and 30s, anything was possible. So even if I wanted to stare out the window having a jolly good imagine abut how my latest tap routine was so fantastic that I got to tour it to New York and then I was so in demand that everyone wanted to interview me and I took the kids on tour before returning to our lovely house that we owned which had a proper bathtub; even if I just thought wouldn't that be ace? the stupid you're old and past it part of my brain is preventing me from a joyful escape from the daily grind of mediocrity.
Understandably, I think, I've been slightly grumpy about this. How can I maintain my sunny optimism if I no longer have recourse to outrageous flights of fancy? And let's not even open the can of worms that is the whole ageing / invisibility / loss of identity looming before me now. Which, dammit! Ought to STAY OUT OF MY DAYDREAMS! Because it's bad enough it might be impacting on my Real Life soon.
Sometimes I wonder if my being such an accomplished day-dreamer might have held me back from actually going out to achieve - why put in the work when you can have the happiness of the dream in under 15 minutes?
And then I wonder that if the boring reality-metre is going to prevent me being the focus of my fabulous daydreams, that maybe I should channel my visions into a really great novel which would go to Number 1 and everyone would want to interview me so I'd have to take the kids on tour before we returned to our lovely house that we own which has a proper bathtub.
Oh wait. Maybe I've still got it. Maybe I just need to readjust the handsome charming famous guy. George Clooney would probably quite like me if he got to know me.
Oh I know - I figure one day it will all change - I will stop looking at younger guys and imagining them with their shirts off - instead I'll be thinking, I do hope that young man has a nice warm singlet on under that shirt......one day but not just yet.
ReplyDeleteHaha! A most excellent post. I say just run with the dreams...
ReplyDeleteOh honey. I just had this very feeling today, that 'this is it, it's all downhill from here.' We just have to accept it in reality, puhlease don't let that feeling infect your dreams.
ReplyDeleteAnd the Weasley thing, you know I'm still in mourning, and bitter.
I am so old, I can't dash your hopes & dreams with my realities.
ReplyDeleteI will say, dreams seem to keep on.
The expectations do change with the age...or so I have found. Though George Clooney is not part of them... I have suspicions about him??
Oh yes, just go for George or his ilk and all will be well.
ReplyDeleteI have found that I no longer am affected much by young guys, but instead find myself drawn to the crinkly-eyed, distinguished-greying type of guy. I don't even mind if they have a bit of a tummy (vast beer bellies put me off though). There is something about an older guy's more outward outlook & maturity that I find very attractive. A good-looking face is always nice too of course!
I reckon we are actually at a fine age where we still look pretty good (not perfect but pretty good), but we have more wisdom and humour and sexual confidence than ever before.
And Stomper Girl I have seen your photos and you still got it going on girl!!
Dude, I am right there with you. Except for the crushing on a Weasley part. I'm still a Snape girl all the way. And Alan Rickman is a nicely mature gent, too!
ReplyDeleteAlan Rickman / Snape are very high up on my waking list of crushes! The Weasley twin thing happened in my sleep and took me very much by surprise. I had not realised my subconscious was a dirty old woman.
ReplyDeleteOoh - Alan Rickman!! That voice, those eyes!!
ReplyDeleteI know what you mean about getting older its like that song that I can't remember anything of apart from the line that goes something about "at the age of 37 she realised she'd never drive through Paris in a sports car".
At the age of 37 I drive through Melbourne in a family sedan. *sigh*
The trouble with being young and gorgeous is that you're still wrestling with scripts from your childhood. As you grow older you realise they're not carved in stone, you're allowed to rewrite them... You're not OLD! You're not past it, "You've only just begun!" And if you keep writing like this, the book deal will come, and when you are done with the exhausting tour of talk shows you'll retire to your lovely home with its Proper Bathtub!
ReplyDeleteDo you have a thing for EVIL? Alan Rickman? Stick with George Clooney and his gorgeous brown eyes.
ReplyDeleteOkay, I'm back. Got caught up in a little daydream myself. I catch myself looking at these fresh college grads, thinking.... you have no idea how quickly your 20's will fly by, how the 30's will shoot onward and your "take on the world" attitude will be falling around your firmly settled feet.
Dirty old woman, No. Cougar! That's the word on the street. And like jellyhead said, you totally still have it going on!
ReplyDeleteI wouldn't mind me some Alan Rickman either. Oh YUM.
I think it's better to be slightly aroused by them in your dreams than to dream that you are their mother packing them off to school / uni.
ReplyDeleteYou've still got it, get out and use it. (on fixit, I mean)
Oh how I laughed!
ReplyDeleteWhat will cure you is having Cherub and Climber reach that age. Clancy is 19. Any guys I see now under the age of about 25 remind me too much of my son and I feel nauseous just THINKING about finding them attractive. Fortunately,Liam Neeson will always be older than me and every night I have to sleep...
ReplyDeleteThere is not one sentence that did not ring true for me here.
ReplyDeleteOh wait. I am not a slim red haired girl with a fantastic tap dancing body.
And unconscious or not the Weasley twins are not my cup of tea.
Oh, yeah, my day dreams are remarkably similar to yours minus the tap dancing.
ReplyDeleteNight dreams? I have very rarely had dreams with celebrities in them, I used to have a recurring one about Superman when I was a kid though. I have dreamt I won a lot of money... $100 000. I was just at the savouring bit when I woke up... when I was a kid it was a dream about getting a new doll, funnily enough the disappointment upon waking was about the same intensity.
I love flirty dreams featuring younger men.
ReplyDeleteWho cares about real life - it's always much much more disappointing ....
:p
I hope to remain of an unknowable age in my dreams for as long as possible. Where else can I be thin and rich, prettier, or drive around the country in a van by myself? And keep company with attractive young men... and a few older ones too. spose.
ReplyDeleteHahahah. I know what this is all about...you dreamt of the wrong Weasley twin.
ReplyDeleteHad you dreamt of George, instead, you'd be in far sunnier shape.
-J.
P.S. Although your average 22 y.o. guy -- I should know, as I am a recovering 22 y.o. guy -- might be far more impressed by photos where toweling intended to preserve modesty is...er...accidentally misplaced than you might ordinarily believe.
P.P.S. My fantasies are no so much in the real of wildly attractive celebrities, as they are in sending photocopies of my tax forms to all the girls who wouldn't date me way back when.
If only men could have such self-aware and powerfully perceptive mid-life crises, there might be less roofless red Porches in the world. Good for you to sort it all out in one post of your blog instead of the next 10 years :) Love your work!
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