On friendship.

I saw Mamma Mia! the movie last week, and, apart from Pierce Brosnan's vocal imitation of a strangled cat, I enjoyed it. Of course I loved the music, (hello my 10-year-old self!) but what I really liked was the way it portrayed female friendship. It reflected the sort of stuff I want from the women in my life; someone to comfort me when I'm down and then make me laugh to help me back up again, who'll come dance and play with me when I feel like celebrating life, who'll know my children and my concerns for them, who'll give me bracing advice when I need it but will also just listen to me when I need to unload. And all the other little things in between. I think I am lucky to have people in my life who do this for me and I came out of the movie with a special glow because it made me think of and give thanks for them.

This weekend my Mum lost one of her very close and special female friends. Her name was Viv. I knew her mostly as Mum's friend so my version of her is slightly watered down I suppose. I'm not sure as children we properly take in our parents' friends. We take them for granted even while we are very aware of them as important people in our lives, same as we do our parents. But I liked Viv enormously. She was vibrant and fun. She was interesting and interested. If she asked you how school was, she wanted to know. She was kind. She had a knack of being able to see the whole picture, the other person's perspective, and usually some sort of historical or social perspective on your problem as well. She was the sort of friend you'd want your Mum to have, you knew that if your Mum was fretting over some aspect of your behaviour, like bad grades or an unsuitable boyfriend, that Viv would have been on both your sides, able to comfort and brace and listen and sympathise.

I'm so sad to know that she's gone because she's been part of my life (in a background-take-her-for-granted way) for decades. And I'm so sad for my Mum too, because I know how much she will miss Viv and their friendship. They were always there for each other, and now Viv's not. We have to take comfort in small things; that Viv was so ill that it was better this way, and that we had those many great years of friendship and good times, but of course it's not enough.