Friday, July 10, 2009


jump! climber 140

Fixit and I signed our wills today and lodged them with the solicitor. We've been grown-ups for more than half our lives now, it seemed the time was right. The fact that Fixit came perilously close to dying from the Pulmonary Embolisms nearly 6 years ago might have spurred us on ... well... hardly at all, really. I suppose what that little episode did was put will-making on the agenda. Because, before then, wills were for people who (a) were old, and -more significantly- (b) had money and/or possessions to leave. Well, we're technically in our primes and we still haven't got a lot to leave but we do now have someone to leave it to. Even so, we might not have got around to it had we not bid for a Will Preparation Service as part of last year's Creche Auction & Trivia Night. And just under a year since we won the bidding on that item, we have finally got the whole thing done. You don't want to rush into this sort of thing.

Prior to getting ours done, the only thing I knew about will-making was gleaned from English detective fiction and involved the deceased having recently sent for their man of business to make last minute changes to the will, which tended to be why they were murdered. Modern day Australian will-making involves documents being mailed back and forth, the occasional phone call and an appearance in a solicitors' premises to sign it in front of witnesses. The good news is that I don't think anyone would bother murdering us, as we've bugger-all to leave. Just the children and a pitiful amount of savings, really. None of it was hard, exactly, but it was all a little confronting, especially the bit where we approached the designated guardians and asked if we could leave our children to them. Oh, and the bit about facing the possibility that we could die.

Anyway. I am now happy with the provisions we've made for the children. My overwhelming desire was to try and give them a home environment which would be as akin to their present one as possible. I also documented my wish to be cremated; the thought of my body being laid to rest out in a far-flung suburb was strangely repellent to me, even though I'd be dead and I wouldn't know. Instead I requested that my ashes be scattered under the jacaranda trees at our favourite park. If I can't be physically there for my boys, then at least they can sit under a purple tree and commune with my memory. (*sniffle*)

So we can die with a clear conscience now. Sort of. But if it's all right with the powers that be, I'd prefer not to, for a very long time, okay?


  1. Tom1 wants me to change my will and leave the other boys to his guardianship. He's 18 next year and he says that he's willing and able to bring them up.

    I don't know whether to be proud, or very scared.

  2. We are so pathetic. We did ours years ago but so much has changed and we still haven't amended them.

    You made me sniffle too at the thought of that purple tree and your ashes.

    So I second your plea to the powers that be too.



  3. We did ours before we had kids - not sure what the motivator was. I don't want anyone else bringing up my kids, and the only suitable family live a long way away, which would mean major uprooting. *sigh*

    The thing I found hardest was that I have an exclusion written into mine, and you're just not allowed to EXCLUDE a person, you have to stat dec WHY. And by Jesus, there's nothing I like better than telling suits that i'm not my well-maintained facade, and that something nasty lies beneath.

    When AB's uncle died last year, the family all got wills. They would say to us 'oh, you wouldn't know what it's like, you wouldn't have wills at your age!' !! I was more surprised none of them did ( they are all quite elderly now, with various health complaints ), and they were shocked we've had ours sorted for over a decade !! Weird.

    Anyway, my original comment was much more concise, i'm sure.

    Love your jacaranda idea, and i'm sure you'll be around for a long, long time yet.


  4. Oh dear - lots of food for thought here Miss stomper...

  5. I did mine when I bought my apartment, and it is quite confronting. I imagine it's a big deal when you have kids, but for me being single with no kids it was a whole different kind of confronting.

    Still, you do it, you put it in a drawer, and hopefully don't have to think about it for years and years and years by which time you've had a long life and spent all the inheritance anyway.

  6. Purple trees, how sweet and perfect. It is something we all should do, isn't it, but we keep putting it off year after year after year. One of these years it will be too late. (Morbid thought.)

  7. Oh, the wills..... that was a tricky conversation (or several) for us to have - WHO could possibly be suitable guardians for our beloved and wonderful children etc etc!

    I like your idea about your remains being sprinkled under jacaranda trees. Though as you say, not for many, many, many years yet!

  8. I have agreed to take the children of both of my sisters and Peter's brother should anything happen to them. I want it written into their wills that they are not allowed to go on any mode of transport together - I could find myself the parent of eight children!!

  9. I did mine just before I went under to have my wisdome teeth done, being quite convinced I would did on the table. Mr Brown, who does not panic morbidly about these things, has yet to bother. He really should though, I hate to think of the evil twins getting their greedy paws on any of our lovely house.
    Right, off to nag the poor bugger...
    Lovely idea about the tree sprinkle though, we've done that with both my grandparents and an uncle.

  10. Ohhh! You're reminding me that ours needs updating since we made it before our youngest was born!
    I hope you live long enough to bounce great grand children on your knee. I'm sure you'll be one kick-ass great-gran!

  11. Rob's parents had their will changed after the family debacle on her side last year to EXCLUDE her family should she and Mr. John die, Rob and I die, AND something happen to our children, who currently stand to inherit the lot. An optimist the MIL is not.

    We keep meaning to get ours done but have not. Like you, the main thing for me is the welfare of the children. We have life insurance policies to cover debt and provide for them until they are adults, but WHO takes care of them is most important. Must move this to the priority list.

  12. When we recently redid our wills, we were quite amused at the old one, made when our children were young.

  13. I could never understand how people with children could fail to write out their will or assign gaurdianship... until I had children.
    It's really hard!
    You kind of feel like your signing the rights away to them, but as we all know, not doing it is certainly not fair to them should something happen.
    Good for you for getting it done.
    Now go live a long prosperous life and don't leave them until you kiss your great grandchildren on the cheeks.

  14. This is such a hard one, Stomper.
    Even after two kids and 15 of marriage we still don't have wills. Its the guardianship of the kids that we stumble at every time.

    We just don't have anyone that we would be willing to entrust our boys to.

    Sure, we have families, but they are either ageing, or not bringing up their own kids in a way that we would be happy to raise our kids.

    So difficult.

    I second your thoughts on cremation. That is the one thing I am absolutely sure about. I don't like to be cold, so couldn't stand the thought of being buried.

  15. I cried all through the process of writing our wills. The solictor thought I was a nutcase.

    It is confronting, and a part of me felt like I was jinxing myself by writing it, but really, it is one of those yukky things that need to be done.


  16. Corrr, you've just reminded me how out of date (not to mention lost) ours are). Must get onto that!

    Lovely post :)

  17. ( came back as I wanted to read the other replies )

    Although ours were written before kids, our kids were written in as standard form ( 'if in the event of any issue' kinda thing ).

    Like Stacey, all our family are old, and the ones that aren't i'm not happy with for a variety of reasons - it's so sad, but these are my children ( even when they were but only a maybe, I thought of them as such ).

    I'd change it, but there's still no-one more suitable than who we've picked. *sigh*

  18. Mmmm, we don't have wills, I've casually mentioned it to Husband, but he's not interested.


    And, so much has happened since I last checked in here!

    Did you know Ash had bronchitis a couple of weeks before the school holidays? He was really knocked out too.

  19. Like you beforehand, we have never thought of writing wills because, hey, what do we have to leave? Things are changing though with another on the way, a mortgage, etc., etc., We will pull our finger out at some point...

  20. Hello Stomper Girl - came via WIAW (hello Erin!)...

    Great post! Mr Incredible and I did ours years ago (in our mid-30s) and I have NO IDEA what I decided. You have quite spurred me to go and see who I left the children to!! And who I left a car we no longer own... etc etc.

    Re: the cremation. I am undecided. So different for me, because our cemetery is beautiful and I know so many of those buried there. A guy who passed away recently round here was buried on his property - his grave visible for his wife from her kitchen. How amazing would that be?

    Much food for thought as I head to bed. G'night!

  21. Thanks for the reminder - think I will make an appointment next week. Everytime hubby and I go away from the kids (not often) but I stress about the guardianship issue.

    I am with you on the cremation idea too. I am hoping there isn't much left of me as the medical world can take what they still good etc

  22. Good for you! It's straightening out the guardianship that's most vexing, I think. We have yet to come up with any good candidates, which is a bit of a nightmare!

  23. My last year of law school I took "Wills and Trusts" only to discover NO ONE in my family either had wills or updated them in decades...My parents are highly intelligent...WTF? I have one I update as needed and even friends from law school don't do them. BAD IDEA!

    Great post.

  24. Hi Stomper, Thanks for your recent messages. Blogging has taken a bit of a back-seat lately but I am relishing a little normality & so check what's been going on.
    Dad was cremated, that's what he wanted. We were still so shocked and raw when we made the arrangements that I could only think "get it over & done with so we can get him back".
    At the moment I will get some comfort from having his remains back with the family, somewhere close the way he always has been. Grandad in his box on the shelf, still physically present in a bizarre way.
    Not ready for the scattering yet.
    And WILLS, gotta do it...but haven't. Who could possibly raise my children? After all the effort I have put in, who could we trust to care as much?


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